What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
