if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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