I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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