I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
