I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
