I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
