Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
