my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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