it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
