is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
