I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
