the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
