i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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