im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
