Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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