When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
