I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
