Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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