went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
