it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
