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im having a threesome with these popsicles
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
