I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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