NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
