Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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