Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
