i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
