Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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