he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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