My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
