I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
