Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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