Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
