I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
