P.S. I can't hear my feet
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
