aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
