non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
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