fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
