what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
