You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
