you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
