do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize