Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
