so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
one might say we're banned from that church
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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