Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
