A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
