Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
