i was rollin on her like bob the builder
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
