Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
either way he was missing a nipple.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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