Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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