you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
