Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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