so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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